If It’s Friday, It Must Be…

Tranny Hooker Check Out Girl Update Day!!!!

Whoo-hoo!  Yes, indeed it is that day once again and I know how so many of you wait with breathless anticipation all week long just to see if I get to fulfill my dream of being waited on by our dearly beloved Tranny Hooker!  Well, once again…bitter disappointment!  It just never fails, she was working one of the aisles I could have gotten into but there was already a customer there and the one directly next to her was empty so I felt kind of forced into that aisle.  But really, it was okay.  I think I probably would have become all tongue-tied and flustered if I had gotten into her aisle anyway.  By going to the next one over, I can steal longing glances in her direction and really take in the scenery.  So today’s Tranny was really workin’ the haute couture in a delightful Bolero Sweater over a t-shirt.  The skimpyness of that sweater only served to accentuate her extreme height…I think she was pushin’ 9 feet today!  But the piece de resistance had to be the Fishermans Wader Boots that she had on with her pants tucked into them!!!  Seriously!  I don’t pretend to know what that was all about but girl was workin’ it somethin’ fierce!  (insert neck-swivel here)  If there were ever a day to get a picture, today would have been it.  But let’s be realistic here people.  You know I am not about to pull out a camera and ask a complete stranger, let alone a Tranny Hooker Check Out Girl, if I can photograph her.  That bitch would probably whip out her butterfly knife and slash my face right open!  Tranny Hookers have been know to do that and far worse!  Those bitches are street-savvy and they don’t put up with very much!  Especially the super-tall, America’s Next Top Model ones. 

Today at Auschwitz, I was touched inappropriately by our plant manager…and I liked it…I liked it!  (Please reread that in the tone that Piper Laurie delivered those words in “Carrie”).  Our Auschwitz plant manager is one or two years younger than me and honestly, the only thing in there besides me of course, that is worth looking at.  In other words, he’s hot!  Even if I think he seems like an asshole personality-wise.  So here I am working away diligently when I realize I need to go up front to the web design area.  I’m walking through the door from our dept. into that one when BAM!  I almost ran smack day into Mr. Makesmeswoon!  I let out an audible gasp since it really was a close call and suddenly he reaches out with his big, manly hand and places it gently but firmly on my side, just above the hip, and says “I want to make love to you”.  Did he?  No…wait…no, he said “I’m sorry Kevin.”  Yes…that sounds right.  Then he sort of let the hand linger for a moment before moving on.  I felt like Blanche Devareaux on the Golden Girls, having completely lost track of my thoughts and forgetting why I had even been going up there in the first place.  These are the things that get me through the soul-killing days of working at Auschwitz.  sigh….I miss Allison.  Ever since she left, I don’t have nearly as much fun as I used to. 

That hand on my side though…yeah, that made me realize once again that I feel fat lately.  I’ve been feeling fat for the last couple of weeks so I kind of put myself on a starvation diet of eating only one meal a day now.  I believe in going about things the healthiest way I know how!  I’ve been pretty good but someone brought cookies to work today and I ended up overindulging.  Yuck.  I hope Mr. Hotness didn’t feel any sloppy rolls when he had his dirty, filthy hands all over me.  Then again, when I’m standing, they aren’t really noticeable.  Still…I don’t know.  I miss working out but I have to be honest, I don’t have the time.  I’m thinking of maybe starting to run but I’d want to do it at night when people can’t see me looking like a retard…huffing and puffing…bad form…tears of agony streaming down my dewey cheeks.  Only trouble with that is that it gets dark so late now.  I’ll see how I feel…this may just be a passing thought.  Hopefully.

The plan is to uncover the pool tomorrow and start putting up the new waterline tiles.  It should look reallly pretty when it’s done.  I think we’re still leaning toward redoing all the concrete around the pool and patio this year too.  Oy, major dollarage!  Okay, my dolls are home.  Red, blue and yellow ones!  I love my dolls!