Video du’Jour

It’s too beautiful of a day out for me to sit here and actually think of a real post to write so instead you get another Epoxies video. 

If It’s Friday, It Must Be…

Tranny Hooker Check Out Girl Update Day!!!!

Whoo-hoo!  Yes, indeed it is that day once again and I know how so many of you wait with breathless anticipation all week long just to see if I get to fulfill my dream of being waited on by our dearly beloved Tranny Hooker!  Well, once again…bitter disappointment!  It just never fails, she was working one of the aisles I could have gotten into but there was already a customer there and the one directly next to her was empty so I felt kind of forced into that aisle.  But really, it was okay.  I think I probably would have become all tongue-tied and flustered if I had gotten into her aisle anyway.  By going to the next one over, I can steal longing glances in her direction and really take in the scenery.  So today’s Tranny was really workin’ the haute couture in a delightful Bolero Sweater over a t-shirt.  The skimpyness of that sweater only served to accentuate her extreme height…I think she was pushin’ 9 feet today!  But the piece de resistance had to be the Fishermans Wader Boots that she had on with her pants tucked into them!!!  Seriously!  I don’t pretend to know what that was all about but girl was workin’ it somethin’ fierce!  (insert neck-swivel here)  If there were ever a day to get a picture, today would have been it.  But let’s be realistic here people.  You know I am not about to pull out a camera and ask a complete stranger, let alone a Tranny Hooker Check Out Girl, if I can photograph her.  That bitch would probably whip out her butterfly knife and slash my face right open!  Tranny Hookers have been know to do that and far worse!  Those bitches are street-savvy and they don’t put up with very much!  Especially the super-tall, America’s Next Top Model ones. 

Today at Auschwitz, I was touched inappropriately by our plant manager…and I liked it…I liked it!  (Please reread that in the tone that Piper Laurie delivered those words in “Carrie”).  Our Auschwitz plant manager is one or two years younger than me and honestly, the only thing in there besides me of course, that is worth looking at.  In other words, he’s hot!  Even if I think he seems like an asshole personality-wise.  So here I am working away diligently when I realize I need to go up front to the web design area.  I’m walking through the door from our dept. into that one when BAM!  I almost ran smack day into Mr. Makesmeswoon!  I let out an audible gasp since it really was a close call and suddenly he reaches out with his big, manly hand and places it gently but firmly on my side, just above the hip, and says “I want to make love to you”.  Did he?  No…wait…no, he said “I’m sorry Kevin.”  Yes…that sounds right.  Then he sort of let the hand linger for a moment before moving on.  I felt like Blanche Devareaux on the Golden Girls, having completely lost track of my thoughts and forgetting why I had even been going up there in the first place.  These are the things that get me through the soul-killing days of working at Auschwitz.  sigh….I miss Allison.  Ever since she left, I don’t have nearly as much fun as I used to. 

That hand on my side though…yeah, that made me realize once again that I feel fat lately.  I’ve been feeling fat for the last couple of weeks so I kind of put myself on a starvation diet of eating only one meal a day now.  I believe in going about things the healthiest way I know how!  I’ve been pretty good but someone brought cookies to work today and I ended up overindulging.  Yuck.  I hope Mr. Hotness didn’t feel any sloppy rolls when he had his dirty, filthy hands all over me.  Then again, when I’m standing, they aren’t really noticeable.  Still…I don’t know.  I miss working out but I have to be honest, I don’t have the time.  I’m thinking of maybe starting to run but I’d want to do it at night when people can’t see me looking like a retard…huffing and puffing…bad form…tears of agony streaming down my dewey cheeks.  Only trouble with that is that it gets dark so late now.  I’ll see how I feel…this may just be a passing thought.  Hopefully.

The plan is to uncover the pool tomorrow and start putting up the new waterline tiles.  It should look reallly pretty when it’s done.  I think we’re still leaning toward redoing all the concrete around the pool and patio this year too.  Oy, major dollarage!  Okay, my dolls are home.  Red, blue and yellow ones!  I love my dolls!

A variety of rants

I’m about ready to kill someone this afternoon.  We were supposed to switch over our phone/cable/internet service to a new provider today.  They sent someone out to test the line on Tuesday and discovered that, oops, we were out of range for the new Uverse (AT&T…why protect their stupidity?) so I told them, “If I’m out of range for the cable and internet, then just go ahead and cancel the entire thing since my current service is also a bundled option”.  Well, lo and behold, I come home from work today to discover that these morons from AT&T came out to the house while nobody was even home and switched over my phone service to them anyway!!!  Can you believe the nerve?  Mind you, I’m not thrilled with our current service and the AT&T plan was going to offer faster internet, more cable channels (like LOGO which we currently don’t get) but I’m not so unhappy with my current service that I would cancel the phone and pay a higher rate for unbundling just so I could go with AT&T!  So I’ve spent the last half hour on the phone with both companies trying to get switched back over and still keep my same phone number.  Just unbelievable!  I have said it before and I’ll say it again, I HATE corporate America with a passion!  Just stomp all over the consumer because they have no voice anyway so who cares what they think?  Grrrrr…..

Okay, so what the holy fuck is up with the price of gas this week?  I mean other than the price of gas.  Sunday I put gas in the tank and paid $3.25.  Today, it was at $3.75 at that same station!  Remember when gas prices used to fluctuate by pennies and nobody really noticed all that much?  How could they justify 50 cents in only 4-5 days?  It’s all a scam. I’m convinced of that.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all about supply and demand economics but I also know that ALL of the oil companies have been posting record profits for the last couple of years.  I’ve got news for you people….THAT MONEY AIN’T COMIN’ OUTTA THIN AIR!!!!  It’s YOUR money…the same money you are paying at the gas pumps.  Profits come from price markups…plain and simple.  They talk a great game about how this that and the other thing are responsible for the high prices and it’s never anything they are doing but then they go home and take baths in their tubs full of our money.  Fuckers.  I don’t see where this is ever going to end.  And based on the insane hours I work, carpooling isn’t an option.  sigh…..

I’m still kinda blah.  Not really depressed but not really my usual retarded self either.  That’s why I do the cleaning…to take my mind off of things.  I’m weird, I know that.  But yeah…I know exactly what the problem is and it’s private but I can tell you that I’m too sensitive for my own good.  When someone I love is hurting, I hurt even more for them.  When you only want happiness and fulfillment for them and it always seems to be just out of reach….it’s just not easy constantly watching that person get knocked back down over and over.  And the funny thing is that they are probably taking this all better than I am!  I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders some time.  Maybe I’ll be lucky and the stress of it all will just kill me.  Aaaah…blissful eternal rest.

Most of you probably know by now that Cooper is back writing on a private blog.  I’m so happy for him but at the same time, I probably won’t be reading very often.  Getting there requires passwords and gmail accounts (which I don’t use).  I swear, I can’t remember anything anymore!  I set up a gmail and guess what?  I can’t remember my password or my gmail because they make you do stupid combinations of lettes and numbers and this and that and it isn’t the same as my other standard passwords.  So I feel locked out already.  Oh well.  See Roxita Bonita?  This is why I can never remember how to get to your blog either and you aren’t even as mysterious and inaccessible!  Oh gawd, I’m just getting old.  My paternal gramma had Alzheimers and if it’s hereditary, I’m probably in the early stages.  Eh…nobody will miss me there anyway.  I rarely ever commented there because the few times I did, people took issue with what I wrote and immediately hated me.  There is just a certain formal vibe on his blog that I don’t quite fit into (what else is new???!!!!) and I recognize that.  He and I have an email relationship/friendship that I like just fine so I should tell him to just email me copies of his posts.  Oh!  That’s a great idea actually!  Cooper, I know you are going out of town but if you see this, email me your posts!  I’m such high maintenance. 

Okay, my dolls are home.  Not to be confused with “dolls” as in the beloved pills featured in “Valley of the Dolls” but you know what I mean.

 

When I Start to Feel Depressed…I Clean

so with that said, today I came home and immediately cleaned one of the bathrooms and then since that just wasn’t enough, I steam cleaned the carpeting in two of the bedrooms, two of the hallways, the living room, dining room and family room.  Then I vacuumed the other rooms I didn’t steam clean.  The kids will be home shortly so that means I don’t have time for a decent post but that’s okay since I just don’t feel very much into it right now.  I’m sorry.  I thtink once they finish their homework I want to run up to the library to pick up a bunch of stuff I have on hold including “Please Kill Me: A History of Punk Rock” which I have been on the waiting list to get since forever!  Then, I want to cut the grass if I can beat the impending rain…we shall see.

Geez, I hate when I start feeling this way and I hate even more how I sound on this thing when I do start to feel this way.  And yes, I’m completely aware that many of you don’t want to be bothered by it either since the people who comment regularly when I am mindless, mindlessly happy and mindlessly retarded, suddenly clam up or disappear altogether when I become human again.  Tomorrow I will attempt to put on my happy mask and entertain the masses.  Today, I just don’t have it in me. 

Please ignore the retard curled up in the corner.  It’s perfectly normal.  Perfectly normal.

 

Today Blows

teehee, I guess I scared ya’s all away with my raving madness about assimilation.  Get over it bitches.  I am what I am and if you don’t like it, you know how to leave.  So today just blows dead goats.  Major disappointments hit us one after the other and nobody cares so I’ll spare you all the details.  Hubby and I went to the garden center this afternoon so that’s why this post is short and not-so-sweet.  But we did get plants for some of our giant pots that go around the pool so all is not lost. 

Well people, my darlings will be walking in the door any moment so I must bid you adieu.  Please feel free to make this post humorous by saying something high-larious in the comment room.  Thank you.  Take it away Sweet Sage of the Valley of the Christ Child!